Remember when you were a kid and you wanted some things that your parents said NO to? I’m guessing it would not have been OK for you to express anger at your disappointment. Most parents are not so OK with that but where did those feelings go? They most likely never got expressed which means they are somewhere “in” you which means most likely they need some work – some healing.
In my work as an Emotion-Based Coach I meet both women who’ve had horrendous backgrounds and women whose childhood was pretty good. It’s the one whose childhood was pretty good who have the most difficulty in believing that their past might be the reason their relationships don’t work out or they can’t seem to do the work that makes them happy or anything else that isn’t working in their lives.
Here’s an example from a conversation I had this week with a really quite healthy woman who is considering going through YOU University with me as her coach. When she was a kid, her dad wanted her to become a golf pro and apparently put a fair amount of pressure on her to do so. She did not become a golf pro and knows intellectually that her dad wanted the best for her but I believe that the kid in her still needs to express her feelings around being pushed into something she didn’t really want to do and the somewhat powerless experience that kids often have even with the best of parents.
We all have situations like the one above in our past. Some of us unfortunately have much harsher ones but usually those women hurt so much, that they try to get relief by going to therapy or being involved in spiritual and/or personal growth programs and reading self-help blogs, books and ebooks. It’s the ones with the easier past who have a hard time believing that their “great” childhood could leave any negative impact on them.
It occurs to me that taking this self-assessment might help you get some insight into yourself and how the now is linked with the past.